You are about to write your future college roommate a letter. Please provide the roommate with a personal story that will give him/her some insight into your personality. (St. Mary's College, MD)
Dear Roomie,
I am Yamima Sharma and I am from Nepal. I study at Woodstock school in India and I am graduating from here. You may be wondering about why I study at Woodstock. Well, it is because it is an International Boarding school and I feel home here at Woodstock. I have been staying at dorms for four full years already although; I have had the same roommate even when we do have the choice to choose a roommate.
I am sure that you want to know more about me. Well, I am a cheerful person and it is very hard for other people to be sad when I am around. Sometimes, when I am with my roomie and she misses her home, I always make her laugh and well she gets distracted easily. I am a devout Christian girl and I love playing the guitar when I am at dorms. And everyday, for at least about fifteen minutes, I do play my guitar to get over all the stress that I had at school. And then again, I am lively and jumpy. I love talking, but if someone needs some time alone, then I do let that person to have his or her time to them self. I am fond of cooking and baking especially; I love experimenting while I am cooking or baking.
I am really looking forward to be rooming with you and also to have fun with you. I am sure that you also will have a fun time with me and who knows, maybe we might just room together for the whole time we both are at the college. Hope you are excited about this upcoming adventure that we are going to go through together. Have a great time preparing to join our new college.
I would love to be your roommate. You sound so happy all the time! :D
ReplyDeleteThrough this post, you show that you are a very loving, caring, considerate, joyful, helpful, kind, talented, and friendly person.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will make a super nice roomie~
There are just a few grammatical errors, but this one stood out to me.
"I have been staying at dorms for four full years already although; I have had the same roommate even when we do have the choice to choose a roommate." should be: ...already. Although we have the choice to choose a roommate, I have had the same roommate for the past four years. (something along that line)
For the most part, you SHOW who you are. In a few places you kind of tell people directly, which is probably unnecessary. eg. "Well, I am a cheerful person and it is very hard for other people to be sad when I am around." the second part of your sentence shows that you are a cheerful person; therefore, the first part is not exactly needed.
Perhaps you are start your letter with a more exciting statement rather than telling them what your name is. That way, you don't sound like a follow-the-pattern sort of person.
I think your future roommate will really enjoy rooming with you. Your letter is very optimistic and passionate, making college seem all fun. It tells about your likes and your personality in a positive way. It was indeed nice to read.
ReplyDeleteThough I like your post, I agree with Liang Yun when she says that you directly tell the person what you are like. It says that you need to provide a personal story where the roommate is supposed to guess what you are like.
ReplyDeleteYamima! Great writing. I love the way you've shown your personality and given emphasis to your love for guitar! I have to add that the beginning is a little blunt. They way you give you name and where you live and where you're from and all that ruins the picture the reader sees later on. That's why, I think you should start with a creative anecdote which shows your roommate the kind of person you are in an interesting way.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!